Tag: suspense

This had to be without a doubt the single most stupid thing he had ever done.

Adam didn’t stop doing it though.

For the life of him he couldn’t seem to tear his lips away from the delicious creature who was pressed up against him. She’d been watching him for hours, hadn’t followed him out here, hadn’t left him alone, and had told him she cared about what happened to him.

Crazy.

Zara was crazy.

And maybe … maybe everything he needed right now.

“What are you doing to me?” he murmured as he broke the kiss and tucked a wet lock of hair behind Zara’s ear.

“What are YOU doing to ME?” she shot back.

“I’m not a safe man to be around,” he warned, in case all of that hadn’t already sunk in.

“You have issues, like everyone else. Maybe you should consider getting some help. I mean for your loss and whatever caused the nightmares.

“Don’t need help,” he growled.

“Thats what I thought too.” Her gaze dropped and he had the feeling she was summoning courage. When she met his gaze again her face was determined. “But I was wrong. I needed help and asking didn’t make me weak it made me strong. You need a reason to want to get better.”

Because he was truly curious, the first time he’d cared about anything in a long time, Adam asked, “What was your reason?”

“The power of love,” she answered without hesitation.

Immediately he released her. He hadn’t even asked if she was involved. He’d assumed because she’d taken this job she wasn’t attached but he could have been wrong. Adam did his best to keep his face impassive but from the smirk on Zara’s he suspected he’d failed.

“I’m not involved, that wasn’t what I meant. Its just that I want to fall in love one day, get married, have kids, a proper family, and I want to be my best for them when I do,” Zara said.

That was something he could never give her. Never again would he risk innocent lives.

Adam swam to the edge of the pool and lifted himself out. “Zara, I’m …”

“Don’t tell me again how scary you are,” she said, climbing out of the pool to stand beside him. “I’m not buying it, but it doesn’t matter what I think, it only matters what you think, what you want your future to look like.”

He knew what his future looked like.

Bleak and empty.

In a year Zara would be gone, taking her light and sunshine with her, and even though she would be here for a while he couldn’t kiss her again. He couldn’t risk hurting her too.

Adam was turning to walk away when a bullet buzzed by him.

Her heart was breaking.

Adam truly believed that it was his fault his wife and daughter had died. She did not. Although she could see how he might think it, he was messed up, and she wanted to help but she didn’t know how.

She watched as he swam lap after lap in the pool. He’d been going at it for hours now. Dawn was here, the sun would be rising soon, and she thought she should tell him to stop but she didn’t want to intrude. So not wanting him to be alone she’d just sat out here with her feet in the pool, watching him and offering her silent support.

One thing she did know was that Zara would keep a close eye on Adam the next day. She was worried about him.

A hand curled around her ankle and tugged, and Zara let out a shriek when she was pulled into the pool. Her head went under for a moment but then it burst back up to the surface and she threw back her head and laughed.

“Why are you laughing?” Adam demanded as he pushed her back up against the side of the pool.

“Its been way too long since I’ve been swimming,” she said with a giggle.

“Why have you been sitting out here all night?”

“Didn’t want you to be alone?”

“Why not?”

“Because I care about what happens to you.”

“You care even though I hurt you?”

“Yep.”

“Even though you know what happened to my family?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I know you’re a good man who served your country, who lost everything they loved.”

“Are you always so positive and upbeat?” Adam growled.

“No,” Zara answered honestly. “I learned the hard way that life makes you go through hard stuff, painful stuff, you can either complain or look for the good stuff, small as they may be.”

“I don’t like the thought of anyone hurting you,” Adam huffed.

Something warm curled inside her, spreading out until her previously chilly limbs were tingling. “I don’t like the thought of you hurting either,” she told him.

Adam muttered something under his breath that she didn’t catch, then he grabbed her biceps, dragged her up against his hard, lean body, and crushed his mouth to hers in the most toe-curling, panty-melting kiss she’d ever experienced.

Her eyes widened in shock at his declaration and Adam prepared to see the fear seep into her warm brown eyes, followed by the horror that she was in the presence of a monster. None of that happened. Instead her eyes narrowed and she shook her head. “I don’t buy that at all.”

What was it about this woman? She was fearless, determined, and seemed to see things in him that weren’t there.

Guess that also meant she was crazy. 

Moving further into her personal space he used his height to his advantage, towering over her. “My wife and daughter are dead because of me.”

“Maybe,” she conceded. “But that doesn’t mean you killed them.” Her tone was kind and her touch when she reached out and placed a hand on his chest, right above his heart. “I can’t imagine what that loss would be like, but if you want to talk about it I’m here, if you don’t want to talk thats okay too.”

Her smile was genuine and when she turned to leave the room he felt like she was taking the tiny beam of sunlight she’d managed to shine on him in that moment of physical contact with her. 

“Zara, wait.” The words were out of his mouth before he could even think about it. But when she turned and looked up at him with patient empathy he realised he didn’t regret them. He needed to make her understand how dangerous he was, she was sweet, he didn’t want to wind up hurting her worse than he already had.

“Lets sit.” She took his hand like he hadn’t almost strangled her to death, and guided him to sit on the edge of his bed. Once they were both seated she didn’t say anything just waited and held his hand. 

“I attacked her, my wife,” he said softly, unwanted memories pawing at his brain trying to get out. “I was asleep, dreaming, nightmares, I threw her up against the wall. She tried to wake me but she couldn’t. I tore up the bedroom, she was terrified, grabbed our daughter and ran. She crashed the car.”

“I’m so sorry, thats awful. But, Adam.” She waited until he met her gaze before continuing, “That doesn’t mean you killed them. It was a horrible accident. She must have been afraid, I was when you grabbed me, but it was clear you weren’t deliberately doing it. She might have been scared, might have wanted to protect your daughter, but she knew that it wasn’t really you she was running from. I’m so sorry you lost them, and I’m so sorry about whatever happened to you to cause the dreams.”

This woman had to be an angel. She was still sitting beside him, still holding his hand, offering him kindness and absolution he didn’t deserve.

It wasn’t right. 

Anger and grief warred inside him and unable to handle sweet Zara and her understanding a second longer he stormed across the room and out the door. Zara called his name but he ignored her and ran through the house and out into the cool night. 

“I should have been there,” he screamed into the darkness. He should never have left his family so often to go on missions with his Delta team that a rift developed between him and his wife, he should never have allowed himself to get to the point where he became a danger to his family, and he should have been there in the car, driving his wife and daughter to a safe place. 

He had failed. 

Diving into his swimming pool he began to swim, punishing his body was the only way he could cope with what he had lost.

Well at least now she knew why Adam had haunted eyes. He was retired from the military, his nightmares were no doubt related to that. She might not know anything about fighting wars but she knew all about nightmares.

Including those you couldn’t escape because they were just your life.

“You wouldn’t have hurt me if you hadn’t been asleep,” she reminded him.

“You have no idea what I’m capable of,” he growled, his voice hard, his expression even harder.

She gave him a sad smile. She might not know what he was capable of but the way he was beating himself up for attacking her in his sleep was a bit of a giveaway that he didn’t go around strangling women.

“Stay away from me, Zara,” he said, then he rushed to his room locking the door behind him.

Zara sighed, it was clear he didn’t want her help but that was just too bad. She was here, for the next year, and it was obvious he needed someone, why shouldn’t she see if she could help him?

She shuffled over to his door and rested her back against it, absently she traced her fingers over the bruises on her neck. They weren’t the first given to her by a man.

“I know you think you’re a bad guy, Adam, but you’re not. Bad guys don’t care when they hurt people. Trust me, I know.”

Even though she couldn’t see him she could sense that he was listening to her and she smiled. Her family had never understood why she hated her dad for what he’d done to her, her mom, and her sister. They made excuses for him, he didn’t mean to hit them, he lost his temper, it was really all their own fault anyway, it wasn’t very often. She’d never made those excuses, and it had ostracised her in her family.

“My dad used to hit us. He liked to do it where no one could see, chest, back, stomach, those were his favourites. He never apologised, never felt bad, he never would have gone running into a room and locked the door to try to keep us safe. You’re not that kind of man, Adam.”

She could hear him moving in there and a moment later she tumbled backwards as the door was opened.

“I’m sorry, Zara,” Adam said as he reached down, took her hand, and helped her up. “I keep hurting you.”

“Its no big deal, Adam,” she assured him.

“You’re not the first person I’ve hurt,” he admitted. Pain swirling in the blue depths of his eyes and she ached to be able to ease his hurt, even just a little. His gaze was dark, dangerous, and yet she didn’t fear him. She felt his goodness even if he didn’t.

“I’m sure whatever you did it wasn’t on purpose.”

He crowded closer, towering over her. “You want to know what I did?” he growled. “You think you can handle it? That knowing the monster I am won’t change anything. Make no mistake about it, Zara, I am a monster. I killed my wife and daughter.”

Something slammed into the side of his head.

Pain bloomed.

Heart pounding, body shaking uncontrollably, Adam sunk to his knees.

Beside him something also clunked to the ground.

No not something. Someone.

Oh no. 

Zara.

Adam blinked and his worst nightmare was confirmed. Zara sat before him, her back pressed against the wall, knees drawn up to her chest, one arm was wrapped around them as though she needed to hold herself together, her other hand was caressing her neck. 

Had he …?

It was all a blur. He’d been sleeping, then he’d heard something, he’d thought he was awake but now that he was looking at Zara’s huddled form he knew he’d been dreaming.

Again.

Stricken he stared at the terrified woman. He’d known hiring her would turn out to be a mistake but he hadn’t been able to help himself. There has been something about her that had drawn him in and now because of his weakness she was suffering.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, already trying to stand.

Zara shuffled closer. She lifted a tentative hand and reached for him, lightly touching his cheek. “You were dreaming. I’m sorry, I didn’t know how else to stop you, I hope it wasn’t valuable.” She nodded to something beside them and he saw a shattered vase. That must have been why his head had hurt, she’d hit him to wake her up. 

“Actually it was,” he said hoarsely. 

“I’m sorry.” Zara snatched her hand back and went to shuffle away from him. 

Without thinking he snapped out his hand and caught her wrist. “I don’t care about the vase, Zara. I’m so sorry I put you in that position.” He reached out and tugged her hand from her neck. There were angry red marks there which would be horrible mottled mess of black and blue by morning. Adam swore and released her abruptly like she’d burned him. 

Again Zara stopped him when he would have fled to his room where he would have spent the night berating himself for his mistake. “You had a nightmare, its not your fault. You’re bleeding.”

He touched a hand to his head, it came away sticky. “I’ll take care of it.”

“Its okay, I can do it,” Zara said softly. 

Why was she being so nice to him? So understanding? He could have killed her. “I can do it myself,” he growled, needing to get away from her before he hurt her again.

Zara flinched at his harsh tone but she didn’t back down. Her eyes met his, her skin glowing white in the moonlight, her long hair loose around her shoulders. “I want to help, I’m the one who hit you. I’m not afraid of you, Adam,” she said softly. 

Stupid woman. 

Stupid, stupid woman. 

She had no idea what he’d done, what he was capable of doing. 

Adam met her gaze just as squarely. “You should be.”