Week 108 – You’re going to survive Astor. I won’t lose you

This was not how he wanted to be spending his Christmas.

Ever since Astor came into his life he had dreamed about the life they could have. It was a life he didn’t deserve and yet one he craved with every fibre of his being.

It had been nearly twelve months since he bought Astor at that auction.

One year.

How could his life change so much in only one year? How could he change so much in only one year?

He had been so close to having everything he wanted. So close. He’d been able to touch it and yet it had all fallen through his fingers.

It had been two months since that night at the party.

Two months since he had held her in his arms as her blood soaked through his clothes, seeping out of her, taking her life along with it.

Two months since he had begged her not to leave him. “You’re going to survive, Astor. I won’t lose you,” the words still rung in his head, little good they had done.

Two months of loneliness was almost more than he could bear.

Keeping one hand on the wheel, Frost picked up the gun on the passenger seat and looked at it. So many fears and questions ran through his head. Was he a coward to contemplate taking his own life if he couldn’t spend it with her? Was he dishonouring her and everything she had done? Was he taking the easy way out?

After two months he was too depressed, too exhausted to figure out the answer to those questions.

Pulling to a stop outside the cabin he had spent his happiest days in, he debated leaving the gun in the car, he didn’t have to do this. It wasn’t too late. He could still choose another path.

Despite his attempts at positivity, Frost brought the gun with him as he fumbled in his pocket for the cabin’s keys. He wished Christmas was over already. Christmastime had never been his favorite time of the year, but he had never dreaded Christmas Day like he did today. Tomorrow morning while the rest of the world celebrated with family and friends he would be alone.

Alone or dead.

Opening the door he dropped the gun when a figure sprung forward.

“Merry Christmas. Well I guess technically its Merry Christmas Eve since its only ten thirty.”

Frost just stared.

This couldn’t be real.

There was no way.

It had to be a trick.

The cabin had been decorated for Christmas, there was a tree, garlands, even mistletoe. And standing before him was the woman he loved more than life itself.

“Astor, I thought they wanted to keep you away from me,” he stared, still staring at her like she was some sort of apparition who might disappear at any second.

“They can’t keep me away from you, no one can. Nothing can. I quit. I quit my job, its done, I told them a couple of hours ago then came straight here to wait for you. Why do you have a gun?” she asked, seemingly noticing it for the first time.

How did he answer that?

Did he tell her that that day, having her bleeding body ripped away from him as paramedics and cops swarmed the building. They had tracked Astor through an implant she hadn’t even known they’d put in, and he was eternally grateful that they had. She had been rushed to the hospital, he had been given a deal, no prison time for his part in the human trafficking ring in exchange for his testimony, and for staying away from Astor. He wouldn’t have done it but he’d been told that if he didn’t agree to stay away then she would lose her job.

He knew what being a cop meant to her so he had agreed.

And hated every day since.

The cops had at least kept him updated on her condition, and recovery from the gunshot wound that she had inflicted herself to take out the man who killed her sister.

But now she was his and her job was no longer an issue.

“I wasn’t sure I could live without you,” he told her, he owed her honesty.

“Well you don’t have to.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “I missed you, I missed this, I don’t want to ever be away from you again.”

“You won’t be,” he whispered then kissed her again.